40 + gifts I'm giving myself in my 40s

I’m turning 42 this year. Time sure has flown fast. One minute I was a wide-eyed twenty something, waitressing, spending weekends partying, lapping up university life, travelling and finding out I knew nothing about the world, and the next I was a teacher back in Australia, married and mum to three kids by thirty three.

Most of my late twenties to mid thirties was spent navigating mum life. It has been a slow road of learning but as my children become more independent and I have more time to myself, I know now more than ever, I have to nurture myself too. I love being a wife and mum, but I am my own person. I run a copywriting business, I write poetry and fiction, I take care of my health, and I have my own dreams and goals.

As always, life is a work in progress. So these are the gifts I’m giving myself (and working towards, because no one is perfect) in my forties.

The ability to say ‘No, thanks’ to something without giving an excuse to ease my feelings of guilt for not saying ‘Yes’.
Clothes that make me feel good and happy, regardless of the current fashion trends – read: purple, anything purple.
Food that will nurture me. Basically whatever I would prepare lovingly for my family – healthy snacks, breakfasts, lunches, dinners.
Not eating on the run but sitting down to enjoy my food, tea or coffee.
Exercise every day in different forms depending on how I am feeling.
A life in harmony with my cycle so that I can feel my best heading into perimenopause. (Period Queen by Lucy Peach made me realise the power of my cycle).
Time to rest, rest and rest. Whether having a bath, sitting in the shower, napping on the couch, watching a movie with my kids, or organising a quiet cuppa with a friend.
Giving a mental middle finger to anyone who is unkind to me or someone I know. They don’t deserve my mental space and their unkindness is a reflection of them and their problems, not anyone else or me.
Embracing my age. My outward appearance doesn’t show how I feel inside.
Friends who make life better, not harder, and who have my back.
The ability to still say, ‘This is what I want to do when I grow up” – I don’t want to stop chasing my dreams or making new ones.
More books – always more books to read.
Time in the outdoors to appreciate nature and the seasons.
The wisdom to realise I have so much more to learn.
Calling stuff out that is sexist, racist, ableist or unkind in any other way.
Attention to my core and pelvic floor so I can be strong and confident as I age.
Days without makeup when I feel beautiful as I am, and days with makeup, if I feel I need it.
Permission to donate, repurpose, give away or throw out things that don’t serve me anymore.
Regular health check ups like getting blood work done, mammograms, self-breast checks, and all that jazz, as well as jumping on health concerns straight away.
Comfy underwear that makes me feel good and period underwear for period days. (If you haven’t tried period underwear, trust me, they are not yuck, they are a game changer!).
Sharing the household chores because I didn’t sign up to doing everything – everyone in the household should have responsibilities.
More time to do the things I love – writing, reading, making music, dancing.
Spending time with people I care about, who care about me too.
Short cuts or letting things go if I need to (and can afford to – I know in this time of price increases this is a luxury if we can do this) minus the guilt – takeaway or easy dinners, using the dryer, hiring a cleaner.
Not taking everything my kids say personally. I know they love me and they are going through changes too.
Forgiving myself. I am not perfect and I make plenty of mistakes.
Seeing a psychologist when I need to – my mental health is important.
Not judging others. I haven’t walked in their shoes, just as they haven’t walked in mine.
Times of quiet to quieten my mind, whether a walk without my phone, yoga or meditation.
The knowledge that my body has changed over the years and will continue to change but that it serves me well and every scar, curve and imperfection should be celebrated.
Photographs of my family, with me in them too, and photographs of the beautiful things I see in the everyday.
Time or appointments blocked out for self care to reduce my stress levels.
Clear boundaries around my work and home life so that they are as distinct and separate as they can be!
A better relationship with social media. Less scrolling and more sharing positives and truths.
Stopping before I say ‘yes’ to something and thinking about what it will entail and if it means it will give me less time for other aspects of my life.
Saying ‘I’ll get back to you,” so I don’t make rash decisions or get stuck in overwhelm.
Not making promises. I don’t need the anxiety or to put pressure on myself.
Being kind to myself when I forget, mess up or drop the ball. I am only human.
Speaking to myself with kind words that I would use to the people I love in my life.
Embracing all that is ‘me’ and staying true to myself.
‘Do what you feel is right’ in my gut. (There had to be a reference to Star Wars in here somewhere). 🙂
Being proud of and celebrating my achievements whether big or little wins.
Doing things that challenge or scare me every so often so that I can grow and learn.
The opportunity to sleep well so I can greet the day with joy and energy.
Accepting help and asking for it too, when I need it. It takes a village. ‘Don’t be a hero’, as a friend of mine used to say.
Make connections to new people and people from the past I want to reconnect with. Everyone comes in and out of our life as we need them.
Time to reflect and be grateful for what I have.
More hugs with the people I want to hug.
More laughter and being silly. Life is too short and we can all do with smiles and feel good vibes.